The other day, walking into our building with my mom, I said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153we would so die.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She turned, gave me this horrified but highly quizzical look, and asked, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She is used to me saying odd things out of the blue for the most part but sometimes it still throws her for a loop. I went on to explain why our building is not a safe hideout if there is a zombie outbreak and we have to run for cover. She kinda just looked at me as we walked with this really confused look on her face. Not confused because she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t understand but confused because she was sure what kind of drug I was on. When I was done explaining she said something classic but of course I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t remember what it was but it was along the lines of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153what is wrong with you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153you are crazy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
But since then everywhere I go I have this thought in my head is this a safe place to be in a zombie attack<\/em>? I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know where the sudden obsession came from. Is it because of all the posters, ads, and viral videos for Zombieland<\/em>? That movie looks awesome. Or could it be that I missed the chance to be a zombie in a movie when I was away on my trip? (But my mom got to be in it and I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wait to see the pics. And no I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know the actual name of the movie but the working title was Zombie School<\/em> but I will let you know about it.) Or it could be that paper \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When Zombies Attack!: Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak \u00c2\u00a0of Zombie Infection<\/a>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (mathematicians are so uncreative with there titles) that was released. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a real math based theory written by professors from the University of Ottawa and Carleton University on how the outbreak would spread if there is one based on what has been presented in movies and real disease outbreaks. It is actually pretty interesting. But it also makes me wonder why these mathematicians\/professors have so much time on there hands and why didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t I have profs this cool? Or could it be that my mind is just too idle at times and things just like to pop in there and stir things up? Most likely it is a combination of these things.<\/p>\n And you know what I have realized? Nowhere, I frequent, is a particularly good place. The access doors in my building are those automatic ones when they open they just gape open welcoming the invading horde. Plus they would be following us through a narrow hall which is a good place for one of those death scenes as long as I am not the one being torn limb from limb. At work they have these heavy duty doors that can close and lock which is good. But they can easily be bypassed by walking through the flimsy doors that do not lock connecting the offices. And with my luck I would be followed by those intelligent George A. Romero zombies that would figure that out. But there is this weirdo loft (in the traditional sense. Think barn) space thing in the storage area in the back. If I can make it up there and sit quietly, not wheezing because I am over weight and it took a whole lot to get me up there, I may survive huddled in the corner. But I may starve to death. Plus it is dark in there.<\/p>\n Next would be the mall. Even though Dawn of the Dead<\/em> suggests that may be a good place to camp out and in theory it is cuz of the access to food, weapons, shelter, and fashionable outlets, but really it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. There are too many openings and passageways for that to be an option. I would have to manically run around into every nook and cranny closing and locking all the doors in the place. I mean a single bank of doors has 6 \u00e2\u20ac\u201c 8 doors usually and sitting here I can think of at least 10 entrances and that does not include the ones that give entrance on different levels of the department stores. And of course I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have keys for any of these doors and most likely the person who has the keys would already be a zombie and then I would have to think of creative ways to keep the doors shut or find the zombified key holder, rekill them, and lock the doors. That kind of thing takes a lot of time or really organized teamwork. But where else is there to go?<\/p>\n I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think of a place that is anywhere near where I am that is like \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Winchester\u00e2\u20ac\u009d. Where I know and would feel safe even if it may turn out not to be. Maybe I would just come home. Go into my apartment as quickly as possible, maybe even take the stairs, lock the door not forgetting to put on the extra chain thingy, and hide under the covers. Cuz everyone knows that if you are under the covers monsters can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get you. Or maybe I would assimilate. I can act like a zombie so as long as I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get bitten I can manoeuvre by just fitting in. I am halfway there, I already look the part.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/underbellyofsunshine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/zombie1-thumb-250x344.jpg\" "\\"zombie1-thumb-250x344\\"")
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