It comes to this or possibly that

I was going to try to end this year on a high note as last year’s last post was somewhat…depressing? Heavy? Melancholy? But I am not sure if that is going to happen or if we are even going to make it to the end of the year, you know, with doomsday approaching and everything.

My cousin is/was making an app and for it he need some ideas of how the world is going to end. And me being a creative, whimsical, and somewhat warped individual, he thought I would be the perfect one to come up with some scenarios. And I did. 10 so far. And most of them strangely came to me while utilizing public transportation. Could be because many of them need to be taught general hygiene, or common courtesy, or to NOT continuously HIT people in the FACE WITH THEIR BAGS! Ok, maybe not so strange.

Anyways, I thought it would be fun to share what I am up with. They are short succinct quips about our soon to be reached demise. I found the whole exercise thoroughly amusing and the outcomes preposterously fantastic. Enjoy.

The Core

Who would have thunk it? They got it right!

The rotation of the earths molten core slows, there are issues with earth’s electromagnetic field, what were they called “terranauts” are deployed to get things started again.

The difference is Hillary Swank and Aaron Eckhart failed. The earth is destroyed. And we all died! Some of us having died with the fact that we paid to see that movie.

**Funny thing: this was on TV this weekend and for just a millisecond I thought about watching it simply because I wrote the above. Good thing I came to my senses! Dollars and senses! HA!

Literature and the Viral Video

Who put that shoe there? Who ever did it has caused the destruction of our world.

The turtle just couldn’t resist the sexy leatheriness. The elephants stumbled, the world rolled onto the floor of the universe, pure destruction. The sounds of its extacy echoing through the nothingness.

**That one is a bit abstract but if you read Terry Pratchett and watch videos online you should get it.

Future Past

No one wants to live in the dystopian future. Lucky for the people of the future time travel was invented. They all piled into their time machines and went back to a time when things were good.

Sadly this massive instant population boom will reek havoc on the earth. Resources will run out. People will died. It will all be over.

Molemen

You thought they were only in comic books and cartoons. But no they are real.

Too bad we realized too late. They have hollowed out the earth digging and collecting minerals. The earths crust became too thin and collapsed in on itself. Good bye surface dwellers. Goodbye mole men.

Revenge of the Nerds

You made fun of them all their lives now they will exact their revenge. The uber nerds of the world have banded together to take us all down.  Their plan to destroy the world will be put into action. Laser? Robots? Biochemical weapons? Wizardry? Probably something super lame but only they know for sure. Bet you wish you were nicer to four-eyes now.

Calendar End

The Mayans, a smart powerful people who made a calendar. A calendar that spanned thousands of years into a future that they or their children would never see. But this calendar ensured the existence of our world, our universe. They believed that their society would still exist and someone would just add more dates. Sadly they died out a long time ago. So on December 21 2012 we will simply blink out of existence because no one knows how to add dates to a calendar.

Ozone Fail

The hole in the ozone has gotten so big that it is ripping apart the sky like a tear in a balloon. The blue azure is quickly turning black; our precious oxygen escaping into to cosmos. The vacuum of space will reach earths surface bursting the heads of all its inhabitants. Such a mess and no one will be left to clean it up.

**Very hot topic right now.

Gaseous Emissions

Chaos theory suggests that anything that can happen will happen at anytime. Even the most preposterous scenario you could think of has happened or will happen.

Imagine the earth’s population including animals releasing bodily gases/fumes at the same time? The miasma that will spread across earth’s surface would destroy all we know. People will suffocate, fires will ignite, explosions will follow. Earth will be a gas ball aflame hurdling through space.

Oh the humanity!

The Third Kind

Many have speculated as to what extraterrestrials would look like. Most have come up with humanoid forms with large heads that kidnap yokels and prod them in uncomfortable places.

What we didn’t realize was they would have a different earthly form, the majestic manatee. One of these massive space mammals will mistake the earth as a blue green delight and swallow us whole. We will be left to digest for many millennia.

Oh the huge manatee!

Clowning Around

The Joker. One of, if not the, greatest villain in the comic book world.

His twisted demented antics will inspire one particular megalomaniac psychopath to unleash air and water based pollutants that lets everyone in on the “joke”. We all will die with a smile on our face but it will not be a happy ending.

Oh the hued man-o-glee!

**Those last 2 came out of a pun. The last line of either of them is all you really need. I must admit even I think I was pushing it with the last one though.

Well that is it, so far. I am sure my brain can come up with more ridiculous scenarios. I feel one coming on right now.

A cargo ship carrying mostly household items including a huge shipment of paint capsizes in international waters off the southern point of Florida. The paint and other chemicals seep into the water moving with the currents south toward Cuba, East to The Bahamas, and west into the Gulf of Mexico.

Unfortunately this is during the manatee migration and many of their bodies wash up onto shores covered in a viscous layer of vibrant colours. There is an out cry of pain from all over the world as the manatee population drops to zero. We as a race cannot live with ourselves and die out of our own anguish.

Oh the hued manatees!

There I go being pun-y again. Or it could just be a manatee obsession.

Well hopefully the world doesn’t end and I will get to post more antic. If it does then so long and thanks for all the fish.

Tra