The Curious Case of Why Benjamin is Overrated

Dear Benjamin,

I know you must be moping around that you have remained largely ignored thus far in the awards race. I just wanted to let you know that it’s not because we hate you, because we don’t, it’s just that you are kind of overrated. I mean in comparison to you, a relatively unknown Slumdog Millionaire is the apple of the awards season’s eyes (Don’t worry the backlash on Slumdog is due any day now). Granted, you took the pain to work it out in New Orleans and India and Europe and wherever else. But, did you think that the whole similarity to Brad’s real life would actually help your case? Instead of focusing on you, it became Brad’s pet project and we want a lot more for you. This is why we do not want distended direction for you. Also, that Cate kind of looked like Brad’s sister instead of wife. Benjamin, we don’t want incest for you, trust me.

So, here’s a lesson you CGI riddled poor soul, take heed that it is going to take a whole lot more for you to sweep any kind of attention this year, especially when Slumdog is running circles around your rather half hearted attempt at being deep and serious. It’s not really even your fault Benjamin, really, I actually mean that. Both you and Slumdog were adapted from novels but where the Slumdog adapted well and was modern and interesting and magical, you decided to adapt in an entirely different way. You took a short story that talked about the excesses of the 1920s and decided to bring it to the present time and whip the story in such a frenzy that the context of it was lost. Instead, of it being poignant, we just wanted you to hurry up and die in your infancy. Seriously, even the guy next to me was all “Brad Pitt must really want us to know that he can act through prosthetic makeup”. Yeah, that Brad guy kinda stole your thunder Benjamin, he decided to add his own twists – make it true to his own life in a way. Except, his much publicized life about being a humanitarian and going halfway around the world, adopting babies, kinda found its way there as well, which broke from your story, which is why your adaptation was kind of blah. What you wanted to do, Slumdog did better with the whole time shifting bit in the story.

Secondly, Benjamin your music could put grandmothers to sleep. In fact, the score in your movie, I am pretty sure is found at high tea at some quaint hotel or what have you. Here’s a hint – at least use the score for your audience to care about you or be excited or angry or sad or whatever. Slumdog’s every second is imbibed with music, so much that the score transcends the lyrics and instead only makes the audience feel a certain emotion in each scene.

I want to love you, after almost everyone finds Fitzgerald interesting and captivating, but your director took all of that talent mired by poor storylines and decided to just make sure we all knew you were reverse aging. If there was anything else, except for your amazing mother, frankly I didn’t notice it. Slumdog, how can you even miss it – even subtitled Slumdog is kinda running circles around your little “around the world in 80 days but its more like half your life” escapade, mostly because the director there didn’t lose it and follow him around like a dweeb on a game show.

So this year dahling, let Slumdog show you how it’s done and really Benjamin, I am attaching these clips for you – so that you can do yourself a favour and see this movie already. Mostly because, the only people who are going to be seeing your 3 hour narration are people who are comatose, like your old hag of a girlfriend.

Listen to “O.. Saya” here

…and an amazing instrumental piece “Mausam and Escape” here

Trailer for Slumdog Millionaire (Seriously? Why haven’t you seen this yet?!)

Nel