Green Means Go

 

Everyone knows that colours have meanings; white – purity, black – mourning, red – passion, yellow – hope, blue – calm, purple – royalty, and the list goes on. We may not know exactly what that meaning is all the time but we do know that it’s there.

In everyday life there are certain colours that we all see and we know exactly what they mean. Let’s take…hmmmm…just off the top of my head, traffic lights. You know what I am talking about right? At intersections they are the boxes hanging down with the three lights in them. Any toddler can tell you what those lights mean. I think it is time for some audience participation.

Red? What does it mean? Anyone? Anyone? Yes the 2 year old in the back.

“Stop!”

Very good. Yellow? Anyone? Anyone? Yes the 5 year old in the corner.

“Slow!”

Good, good, we can accept that. I would have also taken “caution”. Now here’s a hard one, green. Oh look at all the hands that have gone up. Ok, that whole back row who is, I believe, a kinder garden class, I want you to say it together. 

“GO!”

Wow that was loud. That concludes our audience participation. 

Yes people green means go. This seems to get lost with many people when they are behind the wheel of a car and it drives me completely crazy (pun intended). Especially when I have to get somewhere when someone just dilly-dallys at a green light and then I get the urge to ram my car into the back of them because they are not just stopping me but a whole line of people from getting where they need to be and then the honking starts, and I am now going to be late for WORK, AND THEN I AM STUCK THERE WITH TRUCKS ON EITHER SIDE OF ME WITH NO WHERE TO GO AND …OK, ok, I gotta calm down. Breathe, breathe. Alright, let’s just say it becomes a bit over whelming. 

Don’t these people realize that rush hour is not the time to be going out for a nice relaxing drive? Don’t they know that when the light changes they shouldn’t be contemplating the greenness of the green light like a stoner in their mom’s basement but moving forward?

These people just infuriate me. There are different kinds of offenders to the green means go mentality. They all ignore this rule in their own way but each time it is done it is equally annoying.

The No Go: This person is the worst offender. The light turns green and everyone else moves forward but this person that you are lucky enough to be stuck behind. You honk your horn and it is ignored. You honk your horn again but hold it a bit longer and still nothing. But just when the light turns yellow they race through the light. What the hell? I have nothing to say cuz you don’t want me to go on another tirade.

The Slow Reactor: This person is doing something while they should be concentrating on their driving; talking on the phone, reading, shaving, applying makeup, changing their clothes, or any other number of tasks (all things I have witnessed).  The light turns green and their arm is halfway into a shirt while they are talking on the phone and trying to smear lipstick all over their face so it takes them an extra minute to find the gas pedal. Seriously people, if you can’t do it and drive then don’t do it while driving. I mean really? Changing your clothes behind the wheel of a car is both dangerous and inappropriate. We can see you and trust me we don’t want to. Sexy people never do stuff like that in public. Do those things at home behind closed doors or wait til you get where you are going and sit in the car an extra minute. 

The Dreamer: These are the people who are usually in the car by themselves. They hit a stop light then their mind wonders. All of a sudden they are at home on the couch enjoying some hot cocoa or they are trying to find shapes in the fluffy clouds. The light turns green while they are still looking up in the sky. You are not flying a plane you are driving a car. Look forward and keep your eyes open. They need to be shocked out of their stupor by angry horns before they move. People you need to pay attention.

The Slammer: Arg! No, I don’t want to be a pirate but just thinking of them makes me scream. So there you are contently cruising along behind a person who is going at a reasonable speed. A light is coming up, it’s green, the walk sign for pedestrians is still on, you look left and right and the intersection is clear, but all of a sudden you see the red lights flare from the car in front of you. You slam on you brakes, narrowly miss hitting them and other people narrowly miss hitting you, and then they are on there merry way. Again, what the HELL? Now I am not talking about a cautionary slow down you know a little tap on the breaks, oh no, this is a full on slam on the breaks. This kind of driving is simply dangerous.

The Chatter: These people are in a full car. They sit at the light chatting with their friends about what they just bought, that cute guy they saw, who’s more anorexic (“Oh my god you are totally skinner than me!” “No way. You are way skinnier!”), and forget they are in a vehicle not the locale coffee shop. Yes your friends are in the car and you are excited but sit facing forward at all time if you are the driver and need to pay attention to what you are doing. If you can’t talk and drive then shut the hell up or let someone else take over. Gah!

Anyways, I think this rant has gone on long enough. I swear I could write 10 more pages but I won’t subject you to my complaining. Before I go I just want it make sure you know: Green Means Go.

Tra